Before leaving for the Peace Corps, I heard this slogan over and over and knew this experience was going to be no walk in the park. Things such as cultural differences, language barriers, questionable things coming out of every opening of your body, not knowing why your body is allowing this to happen, and of course being seen only for your skin color, were all going to be challenges. As i reach the end of my service, i have spent a lot of time reflecting on this crazy and exciting journey. The group i came to country with (June Health/Agriculture 2014) is now the oldest group in country, which scares the crap out of me! I keep asking myself, where did the past year and a half go?!?! When you say "2 years" out loud, it sounds like a long time, but let me tell you, time flies by and you wake up one day wondering what the heck happened! That's where i am right now in my service. My head is full of jumbled thoughts, emotions and stressors knowing that this experience will soon be over and just a memory I will look back on with happiness and also relief to be over! Every peace corps volunteers' experience is different. Every country, program, region, community and individual are different. No two experiences are the same and I think that is the beauty of being a PCV. There is SO much unknown and you never know what each day is going to bring!
I decided to start this post off with positives but lately i have reached a point where i am simply put, BURNT OUT! I love this country and i love its people (well most!) but ive become so tired of the everyday annoyances. Ive been here long enough that being called "muzungu" or "white person" or more recently "brown person" for the past 598 days (i think thats how long ive been here??) can get PRETTY darn annoying. Being stared at, shouted at or cat called by stupid young men who have nothing better to do than piss me off that day can make you reach a point where you don't even want to go outside because being in your house is so much more comfortable! Besides the everyday annoyances of stepping outside my house, i've also been experiencing challenges within my work. This is not the "toughest job" because the work is physically challenging....i am not lifting 200 lb. patients from a bed to a wheel chair, im not changing the diapers of incontinent patients, im not trying to reason with a dementia patient about how i promise there are no kids smoking weed in the room next door to her (examples from my old jobs). No, this is the toughest job because you are literally let me say "ON" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. The way i present myself, my words and my actions are constantly being watched by those around me. It is mentally draining. As silly as it sounds, in my community i represent all of America and let me tell you, i wish i didn't! It is exhausting, as if im the spokesperson or representative for every American citizen. My work has been VERY slow lately and im constantly thinking to myself "Why am i here? Most of the time i feel like im doing nothing". My main work lately has been meeting with my youth group which began with about 16 people and is now down to about 8 serious youth. I think you can see my frustration? Over time, numbers slowly decreased as some of these kids realized they weren't getting money or any tangible things from this group. Im now left with those serious kids who see the value in learning and expanding their horizons, so i guess this is for the better? We are now trying to work on starting a project in rearing broiler chickens in which the youth will sell for a profit. We are still working out the logistics and will hopefully soon be seeking donations from you all back home to get this kick started. Our goal is to fundraise money (about $200) to start up the business and then use some of the profits to continue the business in a sustainable way.
So although lately things have been difficult and ive reached a low point in my service, i am trying to find the things each day that make me happy because i know that in a short time those people and things will just be memories from my past. I am trying to cherish every moment i have with the people i care so much about here because they are the reason i am here, they are the reason i crazily gave up 2 years of my life to leave my home. Even in my lowest of lows, not once have i regretted my decision to join Peace Corps and id do it all over again if I could. Thank goodness i have some pretty amazing people in my life - my counterpart, my children in my compound and neighbors, my youth, my community counterpart, my family and friends back home and of course my fellow PCV's who help me get through this wild journey. So here are some of the faces and places that keep me going...
